It's A Dog's Life
so you might as well enjoy it
Lessons in Assertiveness
by Sparky, the Wonder Dog
edited by P.V. Alvarado
Lesson 8: The Prodigal Pup
Dear Sparky,
My master brought me home only a week ago, and already I’m in
trouble big time. It all started with our daily exercise program.
My master runs every day, and he insists on dragging me along.
Since his nose is so high off the ground, he can’t smell the wonderful
aromas in a dog’s world such as freshly bagged garbage and newly
piled compost heaps. He sprints around corners and along fences
with gay abandon while I am condemned to race along side without
a moment’s rest! I can’t even stop to answer a friendly bark!
Well, last night as he dashed uphill and I headed downhill, the
chain broke and I bolted. Sparky, I was in paradise. I never knew
there were so many girls in my neighborhood, and I have a date
with all of them the next time I get loose, which takes me to
my present situation. I returned home in the wee hours of the
morn, garbage bag in tow, and the gate was locked! I felt betrayed.
I barked, but no one came so I waited in the cold, wet garage.
Early this morning the master’s mate opened the gate and let me
in, but there was no warm and friendly welcome, no breakfast biscuit
waiting. What have I done wrong, Sparky? Where did I go astray?
Punished in Paradise
Dear Punished:
You hit the nail on the head with GONE ASTRAY. NO CAN DO, Buddy.
If your master wants you to jog, you jog. If he wants you to walk,
you walk. There are very few things you have a say in. On occasion,
he may set you free to roam at will, but this comes only with
great trust. If you should ever break that trust, it’s difficult
to convince a master you’re worthy. And forget about presents!
For some strange reason, garbage bags don’t soften a master’s
heart. It’s an inexplicable phenomenon. My advice to you is to
sit it out. Play it cool, and whatever you do, don’t poop on the
patio.
Sparky
