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It's A Dog's Life

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Lessons in Assertiveness

by Sparky, the Wonder Dog

edited by P.V. Alvarado

Lesson 27: Necktie Party

Dear Sparky,

What is the point of wearing a collar? Fleas and ticks crawl under and bite at will, and those critters know where to hide. I scratch, but to no avail. The other day I nearly choked to death when I tried to slip through the fence. Lucky for me my master came home early and unhooked me. I've tried pulling the blasted thing off, but it's too tight. You'd think my master could take a hint. I don't see him wearing one. In fact, no one in the whole family wears one. What can I do, Sparky?

Choked in Chattanooga

Dear Choked,

I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your collar brings status. It identifies you as someone's personal canine. Without your collar humans would think you were homeless, and the authorities would haul you away. The bad news is you have to wear it forever. Try to look on the bright side. Wear your collar with pride, no matter what it looks like. Think of it as a crown of glory because without it, you're nothing but a stray.

Sparky

(Write to Sparky! His email is sparkytmutt@yahoo.com, and his web page is www.geocities.com/sparkytmutt.)