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It's A Dog's Life
So you might as well enjoy it
Lessons in Assertiveness
by Sparky, the Wonder Dog
Edited by P.V. Alvarado
Lesson 34: A Rose to the Nose
Dear Sparky,
I'm in the doghouse, literally. Usually I get to sleep in the kitchen, but not today. Heck, Sparky, it's not like I did anything bad. Joe, my master and I were out on our usual jaunt in the park, and he let me off my leash so I could run and do a bit of exploring. I always come back when he whistles, and today was no different except that this time I struck gold. I found some perfume and rolled in it. I was so proud, but I knew something was wrong as soon as I got close to Joe and wagged my tail. He was definitely not pleased. In fact, he tied me up and hosed me down as soon as we got home. Now I'm confined to quarters till who knows when. This perfume is a real "girl grabber," Sparky, a literal "cat's meow" if you'll pardon the statement. What's wrong with Joe? Where did I go wrong?
Aromatic in Arlington
Dear Aromatic,
Your first mistake is to assume that humans have the same olfactory senses as we canines. Supposedly humans use to be like us, but over the centuries, they have lost their senses. I have heard there are still groups of humans in distant parts of the world who still practice our ancient aromatic customs, but I am not sure of this. Obviously, Joe does not have a canine's gourmet nose, and you'll have to get used to it or spend your life in the doghouse.
Sorry,
