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It's A Dog's Life
So you might as well enjoy it
Lessons in Assertiveness
by Sparky, the Wonder Dog
Edited by P.V. Alvarado
Dear Sparky,
Yesterday I was in heaven. Today I’m nowhere near the pearly gates!
It all started after the rain stopped. There was a soft spot near the corner of the fence, and I did what any mutt would do. I dug out and spent the night on the town. Garbage cans were overflowing, and I hit every one! Such delicacies the heart could not imagine!
Before I knew it, the sun caught me by surprise. I was on my way home when I spied my master’s car at the stop sign. I approached the window eagerly to hitch a ride home. Instead of the usual cheerful reception, he shouted and made angry faces. So I waited it out. These tirades never last long. He finally opened the passenger door, and I hopped in. That’s when it happened. He slammed the door on my tail! Never in my life have I felt such pain. I’m ashamed to admit it, Sparky, but I cried. My master took me home, locked me up in the garden and never gave me a second glance. Now I think he did it deliberately.
It’s been a week, Sparky, and all I’ve gotten is the usual K-rations - no specials. And worst of all, my tail is bent! What can I do to straighten it out?
Crooked in Crampton
Dear Crooked,
Short of plastic surgery, your looks have been changed forever. Be positive, though. You can use that crook in your tail to your advantage. The gals tend to admire a roguish look. The pain will subside with time.
Sorry,
Sparky
