You know you're in Honduras when ---
by W.E. Gutman
You know you're in Honduras when ---
by W.E. Gutman
Customs inspectors mercilessly rifle through your luggage at the airport but allow known narcotraffickers to enter the country with a wink.
Infant mortality is high but military thugs die of old age.
Lawyers are hired to obstruct the law, not enforce it.
People throw garbage out of cars and buses to keep the vehicles clean,
The president shanghais the airwaves to make dull and meaningless speeches.
Police kill a street child for stealing a piece of bread and evade prosecution.
Passers-by spit on the pavement and blow their noses in their fingers then wipe their faces with a handkerchief.
Rivers are used as public bathrooms.
Hungry, homeless people loiter on the steps of gold-encrusted churches.
Someone gives you the wrong direction because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that he doesn't know.
People pretend to be deaf when they don't want to answer your question.
Miles and miles of roadways are littered with garbage but presidential contenders live in Babylonian splendor.
The effigy of Lenca chief Lempira adorns the lowest paper currency but indigenous people are massacred for their lands.
You can call somebody an "hijo de puta" without great risk but you will most certainly be killed for calling someone an "indio."
Policemen have the intellectual equivalent of a dead chimpanzee.
It takes a month to repair a three-foot piece of pavement.
Vultures can be seen feasting on some loathsome carcass in downtown Tegucigalpa.
Anyone carrying a briefcase is automatically called Licenciado.
A larger briefcase earns the title of Doctor.
An unattended suitcase usually conceals a cadaver.
Obesity is a sign of affluence.
Taxi drivers can never make change.
Multimillion-dollar hotels and resorts keep being built on confiscated native lands despite the absence of tourism.
Wealth is measured not by how much money is in the bank but by how many children a man can mass-produce.
Capitalinos escape the stifling heat during Semana Santa by cooling off in the stifling heat of Puerto Cortes, La Ceiba and Tela.
Kids addicted to Resistol are labeled criminals but H.B. Fuller, the manufacturer, is held in high public esteem.
Everybody in government has the same last name.
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