by Sparky, the Wonder Dog, a/k/a Dr. Sparkus T. Mutt
edited by P.V. Alvarado

I have a big problem. It's my dad. He's a career military guard dog, and you know how those guys are! There's nothing like the armed forces. He never stops barking, "Son, the military has given us our meat and potatoes."

Potatoes, indeed! I hate potatoes! I've just been weaned and now he wants me to enlist! I don't want to be a guard dog. I want to study archaeology. I know I'd be great at it. I can dig a hole faster than you can fetch a stick, but HE wants me to follow in his paw prints. Help me, please! What can I do?

Traumatized in Travis

Dear Traumatized,

Get a grip. Your dad wants what's best for you, obviously. The military has been good to him, and he rightfully is proud of his military career. After all, he is serving the nation, and being of service is the noblest of careers. It's the canine way. Though archaeology is interesting and useful, perhaps you could find a happy medium. There are many branches of the canine military. Maybe your digging talents could be useful in the forensic department, for example. Anyway, there are worse things than joining the military.

Good luck,

Sparky