humor

Dear Dr. Mutt,

My master is a newspaper nut. He loves to read the newspaper and always wants to be the first one to read it. This would be OK if he left the paper in order, but he dumps each section randomly as he reads, and the rest of us have to wait for him to finish and then try to figure out which end is up! It's really frustrating, so the other day, when the newsboy threw the paper into the yard, I asserted my individuality and read the paper first. My only problem was the wind. By the time I finished the last section, the yard was dotted with newsprint. I tried my darndest to collect the pages and place them in order, but to no avail. So I put the paper together as best I could and left it neatly on the doorstep. Now I've been quarantined to the back yard until further notice.

What I want to know is why I'm being punished for doing what the master does every day? It's not fair. I have a right to the news, too!

Limited in Limbo

Dear Limited,

You are fighting the good fight, but I suggest you give it up. Even though we are on an equal footing with our human counterparts when it comes to intelligence, they think they are smarter and want first dibs on reading a newspaper. So for world peace, I say let them read the paper first. Who cares in which order you receive it? It's all news.

My advice to you is to deliver the paper and let him read it first. When he's done, then it'll be all yours, and you can devour it or toss it to the wind if you choose.

Sparky

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