fun




It's a Dog's Life


So you might as well enjoy it
Lessons in Assertiveness

by Sparky, the Wonder Dog, a/k/a Dr. Sparkus T. Mutt
edited by P.V. Alvarado


A Telling Tail


Dear Dr. Mutt,

I'm a Cocker Spaniel, and last week I had surgery, and now I have a band-aid where my tail used to be! There was nothing wrong with my tail as far as I could tell. It was long and rather pretty, and I loved wagging it. What's worse, no one asked me if I wanted this surgery! I feel betrayed and exposed. And another thing, they said it wouldn't hurt! They lied!

Why can't we have long tails like other canines? Tails have a purpose, and besides I hate looking like a human!

I know it's too late for me, but how can we stop this barbaric practice? Why do humans mutilate us like this?

Cropped in Costa Rica




Dear Cropped,

You are justified in your indignation! Humans can be such kind creatures if they so choose. However, some of them have weird ideas about tails. They think it is a sign of beauty to be without one. But in fact, their language is rich with reference to their own tails. They say things like, "Get off your tail!" or "Quit sitting on your tail and do something!" or "I'm going to whip your tail!" Since they lost their tails a few thousand years ago, they have forgotten how convenient it is to have one. Now they have to wag and scratch with their hands, and wear clothes!

I'm not too sure there's much we can do about this practice except spread the word on how horrible and painful it is. It can be very difficult to reason with a human who has such strange ideas. Sorry to hear about your loss.

Sparky


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