Fisher, How hip are the Arnulfistas?

First and foremost, I would like to thank you all for your fan (and hate) mail. It's always a pleasure to note that one's read and commented about, even when some people use terminology that equals Tarantino's flexible use of the "f-word." But I don't wish to bore my faithful readership. For the next 15 days I will forgo the right-wing bashing. Besides, these guys have the right to live and breathe easy. I'm coming home to write about what I know best, the dumb backyard politics of this election season.

I was minding my own business when I looked outside while driving on the Transistmica.

Political posters tend to show the candidate as a casual Joe, holding hands with the regular Joe Blow brethren and that sort of thing.

Not this time. Somewhere caught in the middle of a political ad and a Soberana beer campaign, José Miguel Alemán, the desperate Arnulfista Party candidate, was sharing a photo-op with four busty gals dressed in very sexy apparel. His smile didn't help, I would like to think he was being nervously camera shy and not feverishly eager for theircompany. Beneath it all, a caption said José Miguel, Panama's youth candidate --- or something like that.

How desperate is he for votes? Well, take one look at the ad and email me your comments.

Again, I'll take things the good way: I would like to think he's appealing for a "minority" machista vote, but then again, perhaps the ad will pay off among a not-so-moral majority of connoisseurs who like their beer dry and their girls busty. He wants to portray the image of a guy who's hip, in or whatever adjective you might come up to show he just wants to be cool, ice cool. His interview on TVN proved that he followed the advice of Roxanna Uribe (a well known political consultant) in Ellas magazine to have a less-than-perfect haircut. I also noticed he hid his prominent ears behind a Clay Aiken-ish new look.

All this brings back strange parallels. When the Davos forum (or dare I say conspiracy) was at full swing, the organizers flew a select group of people to the little mountain resort to show the suits how to be cool. I'm not kidding. Conferences and seminars were organized to teach the regal tycoons of this globalized feudalism what it is to be hip. Questions were taken and inquiries were made, but at the end of the day the conclusion was it's a matter of grace... or luck.

But José Miguel sure doesn't have either. I think he's a guy who really wants to be president and ever since birth has nagged and nagged about his dream. But dreams cloud rationality.

Whether he was into it for the presidential power trip, the desire to help others or the photo-ops with sexy bachelorettes, I leave it up to you folks. Yet, despite his eagerness to be head honcho, nobody with full use of at least three out of five senses would have said "hey, let's put this guy in a pin-up worthy of a local Playboy."

He's poorly advised, that's for sure. His campaign staff, ex-vice minister Alejandro Pérez and company, know squat about the science of politics. For one this crossfire blabber mouth only knows straw-talk, policy-wise he's a big bottle of shaken pop: Just a lot of gas. Booted out of the Social Security administration during the early years of a now not-so-politically-tasty Colonel Sanders, Juan Jované --- perhaps for his insistence to beg for absentee leaves to do political and not-so-political activities --- Pérez now helps José Miguel run a national campaign.

No wonder he's gonna lose.

Arnulfistas are not hip. I'll be shallow for a sec: Guys and gals who are popular say they are Arnulfistas only when they are drunk, or if they are in fact really dumb. Yet, what is Alemán to do?

His looks are rather unappealing. Jose Miguel has this... thing! I don't know how put it, he just looks like Miguelito in Mafalda! Well, I think that clears it, somewhat. And his vice-presidents? Aníbal Galindo? At least we know he's the typical oligarch. And Rosas, what can I say about him? That he's a feudal lord? We all know that. His family holds a group of governmental dependencies hostage.

And what will that happen if, by golly, a miracle occurs and José Miguel wins? The same thing that's happening right now --- absolutely nothing.

But what about President Moscoso? Our delightful queen has grim prospects if you ask me. If José Miguel loses we all know it's going to be mostly her fault. But she thinks herself all-powerful right now, the bearer of all truths.

Yet people can be sore losers, especially when they have become accustomed to treating the taxpayers like a lackey whose job it is to fulfill their every worldly whim. And she's sure going to take the hit because what the lackey gives, it can also take away. She will be stripped of all regal powers and unless she comes to her senses, very much in the manner that Ernesto Pérez Balladares was. In the end, he cried --- cried like a baby. The thing about Mireya is that unlike Toro, a guy famous for his political malice who in the end resigned himself to his loss of power and went home to play with his expensive toys, I expect that she will take her hit really hard. She will not only cry, but hurt when all her shopping cronies look the other way. Sad li'l Miss President will lose her shopping friends.

Also in this section:
Jackson, Constitutions and popular sovereignty
Bernal, Standing up to a university inquisition
Committee to Protect Journalists, Eisenmann's case
Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan, Taking stock on March 8, 2004
Caribbean Community, Heads of state weigh in on Haiti
Panama Vote 2004, NY Panamanians honor Afro-Panamanian women, back Torrijos
Fisher, Scarlet Letters

opinion

How hip are the Arnulfistas?