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Sparky the Wonder Dog
Shades of Green
 

It's a Dog's Life

So you might as well enjoy it

Lessons in Assertiveness

by Sparky, the Wonder Dog, a/k/a Dr. Sparkus T. Mutt
edited by P.V. Alvarado

Mouthing Off

Dear Dr. Mutt,

Much to my regret, my master has insisted on teaching me how to speak like a human, and though at first I was thrilled at the prospect, now I realize that perhaps the venture is fruitless and beyond my control.

First, to learn the alphabet I had to chew wads of newspaper. According to the master since it had letters, I would learn vocabulary by osmosis. Though I did learn the vowels like AAAA, EEEE, OOOO and UUUU; I never mastered IIII, which I later found out is a sound for felines only.  But the big drawback was that my tongue turned black from the ink.

I’ve tried to reason with my master, but to no avail. I want to learn, Doc, but isn’t there another way to learn a foreign language without choking?

Gagged in Gatun

Dear Gagged,

It’s noble of your master to teach you how to read, and one learns a language in several ways, but direct osmosis is not one of them, and you shouldn’t get choked up over the issue, so to speak.

If you really wish to learn the human lingo, then the easiest way is to listen in on conversations. You can build a substantial vocabulary and gain a wealth of information without gagging. Give it a try.

Oh, and about your tongue, if you drink lots of water, the ink washes away.

Sparky

sparkytmutt@yahoo.com

www.sparkytmutt.4t.com