fun

Dear Dr. Mutt,

Though we felines don’t normally ask for assistance, I find myself in need of advice. I’ve had a falling out with my mistress. It seems that she was less than overjoyed with the birthday present I left for her on the doorstep. Every time she sits in front of that screen, all I’ve heard her say is “I need a new mouse! I need a new mouse!”

Well, so now I give her a new mouse, and all she does is scream. Should I have wrapped it? What’s with her? It was a perfectly good specimen – two ears and a tail. Now she has me confined to quarters with the canine! What can I do to remedy the situation?

Confused in Covington

Dear Confused,

Humans are delicate, insecure creatures who freak out over the silliest things. They also have the strangest vocabulary – a mouse is not a mouse, but a machine with a tail. Wrapping your gift would have only delayed your mistress’s reaction, believe me. Maybe she would have preferred a live one, but who can say? Thankfully, these bipeds have short memories and hopefully you’ll both be free soon.

Just curious, what did the canine give her?