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Dear Dr. Mutt,

I’m a Jack Russell Terrier, known for our cute, cheerful disposition, our energy, and our intelligence. However, there is a limit to our patience and our pride. My mistress, in her attempt to domesticate me, ran me through hundreds of repeats to bring back that stupid ball. After the first three or four returns, I had the drill, but she kept it up way beyond the limit, and she paid the price. I bit her. Now I’m dubbed a weirdo, and she has put me on the vendor’s block! This is so unfair!

You did what? You bit your mistress? Now I must say that was daring! What movies have you been watching lately? I hope you have also read your canine labor codes. Once you have drawn blood, it may be difficult to convince another human to take you in – not impossible, just terribly difficult. My advice is to behave yourself, pretend that you love little humans, and keep your mouth shut, no matter how hard that may seem.

Good luck. Let me know how it goes.